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Mental Health Awareness Month 2015: Mariel Hemingway opens up about journey

Truth, The (Elkhart County, IN) - 4/24/2015

April 24--Ernest Hemingway was and forever will be one of the greats.

When I learned Mariel Hemingway, granddaughter to the prolific and legendary writer, was coming to Elkhart in May for Mental Health Awareness Month, I got antsy. When I was given the opportunity to talk to her about her books and her advocacy for mental health, I got giddy (okay, and really nervous).

I spent my Monday evening curled up on my couch with my cat while starting and finishing one of Mariel's latest books, "Invisible Girl." The memoir is targeted toward young adults, but resonates with readers at any age.

Told from her perspective as a child growing up in a home of alcoholism, substance abuse and depression, Mariel explains what being a Hemingway meant to her growing up and how she tried to find peace amid chaos. The chapters are short and are complete with doodles in the margins and a short list of lessons at the end of each chapter, each of which relating to mental health.

From start to finish, it only took me about two or three hours to read before immediately downloading her memoir geared for adults, "Out Came the Sun." I laughed, I cried, I related to some degree.

Now it's time to come clean about something: I've struggled with an eating disorder. Twice, actually.

I was never anything special in high school -- I focused on getting straight As, I had fun being in the orchestra and on the swim team and maintained a tidy group of good friends. A boy who I had a few classes with my second year made a few underhanded comments about my appearance, which sent me into an obsession with food, weight and exercise.

What started as running a few extra miles after swim practice and renouncing processed food turned into an unhealthy takeover where I didn't even know or like myself. I'd throw food away that my mom packed in my lunch, I lied a lot to the people I loved and said things to my parents that I'd give anything to take back.

After losing something like 40 pounds in three months by just not eating and exercising four hours each day, my parents got help for me. I abhorred it at first because I thought I was proving everyone wrong, keeping my body healthy and getting the attention I had starved so much for.

My eating disorder reared its ugly head again a few years later in college. I was exercising to the point of being obsessive, I calculated each ounce of food I ate and was smaller each time I went home. Finally, my parents gave me an ultimatum: move back home or take better care of yourself. I chose and battled my way to the latter.

My struggle with anorexia and mental health is my own. I refuse to be coddled for it, I'm not embarrassed about it, I refuse to make excuses about it. Even though I have been happy, healthy and eating well for the last three years, I know recovery never really ends. Some days are still harder than others, I have a few weird tendencies about food and I think my struggle is part of the reason I am so hard on myself about things I don't need to be. It's a process.

I'm not sure if it's because I'd watched her documentary, "Running from Crazy" or if it's because I had read her books, but from the moment Hemingway called me Wednesday afternoon, I felt like I was talking to an old friend. There's a warmth, a childlike joy about her.

I opened up about my own battle with food to her and my admiration for what her grandfather did for literature. She opened up about her own struggles with food and how she found solace and catharsis in writing about her childhood.

"There's a misinterpretation that my grandfather was a great writer because he drank," she said. "He wasn't a great writer because he drank. He was a great writer because he worked really, really hard."

For those who have read and studied Ernest's work, you can see a lot of his voice in her own writing.

Hemingway refuses to let her childhood define her. It's shaped her and made her stronger, but she's more than what she's experienced as a child. She's more than what her last name connotes.

More than anything, Hemingway is strong.

"I loved that you said this," she said, when I told her how I refuse to be embarrassed about what I went through. Because she's the exact same. She takes responsibility of her life and choices and opens up to help others heal.

During Mental Health Awareness Month, I urge each of you to make a conscious effort to see someone else's perspective. Just because someone is smiling each day doesn't mean he isn't battling depression. Just because someone is a healthy weight doesn't mean she isn't battling an eating disorder.

Everybody knows somebody. It's time to break the stigma about mental illness and work together as a community. Don't be afraid to have those conversations, and don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help when you need it. Below you'll find a list of just a few resources available for mental-health related issues.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Follow digital producer Danielle Waldron on Twitter @DanielleWaldron.

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